saturday night drunk monologue

"How have you been?"

Yes, I hate my voice too.

With your self-sufficient smile,

narrow minded and slightly drunk,

you pass me by,

slowly enough to see my practiced indifference.

If I could, if I had a way with words,

maybe I would have given you

something to dream about.

But, here I am, hiding behind a bottle of beer

and setting my frustration on fire,

pretending I light a cigarette.

I'm speechless,

you're drunk by now-

we'd make such a nice pair,

but I hate the way you look at me.

This is

not good enough,

I'm not drunk enough.

...

Oh, and I don't like your shirt.

me

me, me ,me

i am me.
and there's nothing you can do about it...
look at me,
as i slow down and hear you talk
about me.
stand up, think out of your box and speak
to me.
i can take everything, i know what you must think
of me.
i know all the words to every song
that you might have written
thinking
of me.
i can give myself up and still
you're not even half
of me.
try harder, and i'll let you fly
with me,
maybe.
blame
me
for what you can't do,
hurt
me
for what they say to you,
you're not me.
we come from the same place,
but
i'm faster and wiser,
catch me.
hold me
down,
i'll give you a head start,
follow me,
observe me,
hate me.
and
when i break the cycle,
miss me.

masks

here we are, face to face
separated by a wall of probabilities.
and i hide,
searching for my mask,
you can't see me like this.
fragments
of what you remember about me
are scattered on the floor.
i'm tired of this pretending,
because deep inside
i don't give a shit.
take your dreams and pictures,
get out,
i'm not in the mood
and i'm pissed.
can't find my "and how are you" mask.

we

the shadows are burning,
run as fast as you can,
we can feel you.

in this forgotten place,
with not even a name or a face,
we wait, we sleep.

your fear brings us closer.
we spare no-one,
we rush, we creep.

just a nightmare away,
here we come,
here we are.
...
there we go,
see us leave,
if you dare.

and there was nothing left...

with every word you say
there comes
the apocalypse.
i don't care much for advice,
so keep your doom
to yourself.
in a crowd, i'll be the one
smiling and avoiding
conversation.
see me to the door
and hope for the worst,
because i'll come back.
it's not a threat,
but a misfortunate fact.

give up

blow me
to pieces, small pieces.
rip my head off.
put me out of your misery.
it's no big deal, i know.
take away your light,
make me crawl in mud and blood.
give me scars, deep scars.
shed blood,
shed my blood.
see if i care...
break my heart,
break it.
open me and tear me up inside,
have me beg
for mercy.
I'm all yours for the taking.
and when that day might come,
although it never will,
i will
write
no
more.

a date

clear up my head,
go away, one last time.
we'll meet again tomorrow,
on the edge of the same building,
contemplating infinity.
a bitter smile, carved on the corner of my lips,
it's a mask i can't dispose.
i'll wash the silence off my face,
get new colours for my nightmares.
you go away now,
leave me alone
in my oversaturated universe,
i'm inventing new names
for my old fears,
just to stay busy.
i left the world behind and bought this
-oh so craved for-
peace of mind.
must abuse it for what it's worth,
wait for me there,
i'll soon be out of breath.