kill me, teach me

"so" i say, staring at the mirror,
"is this what i tried to be?
can it be that easy for my mask to disappear,
and the world i tried to fool
to see the real me?"
scared, angry and almost confused
i hid underneath the words i carefully penned
and hope you didn't see.
now i'm speaking from what others taught me,
afraid to ever think again.
if i can't be me,
if i can't even pretend,
how can you judge,
how can you say what is real?
taking my wisdom from punches i've thrown,
learning to go on from the dust i've bitten,
i pick myself up and ask for more.
break me, kill me, teach me!